My Love-Hate Relationship with Competition

Monday, February 17, 2014

Less than 24 hours ago, I ended my 13/14 IHG journey with my squash mates.

It has been a bitter-sweet experience; we devoted so much time and effort for our trainings (not forgetting to have fun of course) not knowing how far we'd go. Having ended the competition with results far more than what we had initially expected, I feel really proud of all my team mates! We have grown and matured so much over the past few months :)

Having played competitively for the first time in junior college and then now for the second time in IHG, I have come to realise that the mental toll from competitive sports far outweighs the physical pressures.

I remember back then in junior college where I played from 5 - 10PM almost everyday before going home for dinner; this process went on for a few months before the actual A Divisions. I was so preoccupied with pushing myself that at times I would cry out of mere frustration.

To be honest, I hate competing.

I hate putting up an intimidating front and get intimidated by my opponents.
I hate the disappointment that sinks in when my team loses, nor do I like to see the disappointed faces of my opponents when they lose.
I hate thrusting myself onto a roller coaster ride and face the risk of crashing ultimately.

While winning is a sweet incentive you might ultimately get to savour from a competition, somehow in the process, a certain element of fun is compromised.

But what to do?

I get drained physically and mentally every time I compete, yet that inner desire of mine to compete surges whenever a new opportunity arises.

If you think about it, stress is a double-edged sword. 

Engaging in real competition seems to be the optimum way to force you out of your comfort zone and allow you to display your full potential. How would you know how far you can go if you aren't challenged?

Call this a love-hate relationship with competition; despite the mental tolls, i will still continue doing it.

When I was in secondary 3, I had to retake 2.4km 4 times before I managed to scrap an E lolol okay thats a thing of the past. But my stamina is still bad though oops gotta work on that hehehe

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